Moby-Dick (1930)

You won't believe it until you see it, but in this "adaptation" of the Melville classic, Ahab (John Barrymore) kills the white whale, renders it down (shown in stock footage), and returns to New Bedford where his sweetheart Faith Mapple (Joan Bennet) awaits. In other words, he gets the whale and the girl!

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Read more about this film at The Internet Movie Database.
Read the original novel. (please!)
And, fortunately for everyone, this atrocity is not for sale at this time. Keep an eye on your cable listings, though!