Joysticks
(1983)

POOPER:
Jefferson defeats King Vidiot in a round of Super Pac Man to save the arcade from being closed down by Rutter. His grandfather George then returns from his trip, and he finds that George has found his long-lost love Sandy and brought her back with him. Later on, Jefferson and McDorfus set Eugene up with Rutter’s sex-crazed wife for a wild night of sex.

LONG VERSION:
After Jefferson (Scott McGinnis), McDorfus (Jim Greenleaf), and Eugene (Leif Green) successfully lobby to Mayor Neville (Logan Ramsey) and the city council to keep the arcade open despite Rutter’s (Joe Don Baker) protests, Rutter and his nephews Arnie (John Diehl) and Max (John Voldstad) come up to the trio seemingly to congratulate them. However, one of the nephews produces a dead rat, and Rutter falsely claims that they found it in the kitchen of the arcade’s snack bar. In an attempt to stop Rutter from going to the authorities with it, Eugene suggests that they settle this disagreement like how all disagreements are settled at the arcade: By playing a game and letting the winner decide. Liking the idea, Jefferson challenges Rutter to find someone to play against a man of his choosing. If Rutter’s man wins, then the arcade will be closed down, but if his man wins, then Rutter must leave the arcade alone forever. Rutter accepts the challenge, and selects King Vidiot (Jon Gries) to represent him while Jefferson selects McDorfus. Vidiot – who had battled McDorfus before on a game and lost – tells McDorfus that they will be playing HIS favorite game, Super Pac Man. McDorfus gives his consent, and they set the battle for tomorrow at 11:00.

However, that night, Rutter has his nephews kidnap McDorfus and take him to his house so he won’t get to the arcade that day. Come time to play, Eugene informs Jefferson that McDorfus is missing, leaving Jefferson no choice but to find someone else to play against King Vidiot. Vidiot then challenges Jefferson, but he turns it down since he has never played a single game in the arcade. Determined to get the place shut down, Rutter decides to let him play, but so long as he agrees to an extra stipulation where not only will he have to close down the arcade if he loses, but he can’t open up another one in the city ever. Jefferson agrees to it, but he tells Rutter to give him time to prepare.

Jefferson then privately admits to Eugene that, though he is an expert gamer, he’s never played any of the arcade’s games because of a bad night he had there. He explains that, when his grandfather George (Hugo Stanger) first opened the arcade, he and his girlfriend at the time, Sandy (Erin Halligan), were having an intimate night there alone after closing time. However, it was brought to an abrupt end when he looked into a nearby arcade screen and saw the reflection of her father entering the room. He slapped her and took her home, and they ended up moving away. Now, every time he looks at a video screen, he sees her father’s reflection, which renders him physically ill and makes him unable to play. Eugene pledges to help him try to overcome this problem, and he quickly attempts to get Jefferson into gaming shape.

As the challenge commences, Jefferson’s memories come rushing back, and his internal struggle to keep them suppressed causes him to play badly. Meanwhile, at Rutter’s house, Arnie and Max decide to leave the tied-up McDorfus there and go down to the arcade to see if everything is all right with their uncle. However, they neglect to remember that their sex-crazed aunt (Morgan Lofting) is upstairs in a drug-induced sleep, and shortly after they leave, McDorfus’ extreme flatulence wakes her up. She finds him and eventually frees him after he promises to fulfill her wildest sexual fantasies that night with some other young studs like himself. Back at the arcade, Mayor Neville makes a surprise visit, so Jefferson tells Eugene to go and deal with him, and Eugene ends up turning him into a gamer.

Jefferson’s performance continues to flounder, and feeling that King Vidiot is now sure to win since Jefferson only has one life left, a cocky Rutter tells Vidiot to sit the rest of the game out. Just then, McDorfus shows up and tries to take over for Jefferson, but Eugene holds him back, saying that Jefferson must face and defeat his demon. Convinced of the necessity, McDorfus encourages him on, and Jefferson ups his performance, scoring like crazy. Rutter orders King Vidiot to start playing again, but Vidiot refuses, saying that Jefferson will never be able to catch up to him and that he only has to make one mistake and it’s all over. Rutter ends his alliance with him on the spot, and then finds out that his nephews are in the establishment, along with Mayor Neville. He tells the Mayor to put a stop to the arcade at once, but the Mayor refuses, saying that this was a great place. As Rutter throttles his nephews over their failure to keep McDorfus away, Jefferson wins the game. He hugs Patsy (Corinne Bohrer) and announces to everyone that all tokens are on the house.

Just then, George shows up, and after Jefferson happily tells him that he is now able to play again, George tells him that he had found Sandy while he was away. Sandy then appears behind him, and Jefferson hugs and kisses her, forgetting all about Patsy.

That night, Jefferson and McDorfus bring Eugene to a local motel and take him to one of the rooms. Eugene enters it to find Rutter’s wife waiting for him in a dominatrix outfit. He readies himself for action while Jefferson and McDorfus take off.

Thanks Tornado Dragon!