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Submitted by Haterade

Deep in the Korvatunturi Mountains, a group of Americans in an archaeological dig find Santa Claus.  Meanwhile, in a neighboring village, Rauno the butcher disdovers his livestock have all been slaughtered ($85,000 worth). His son, Pietari has noticed that both all of the heating items in the town and all of his friends (including his best friend, Juuso) have vanished.  Rauno sets traps to catch what he thinks are wolves that are going after his livestock, but the next morning, he captures an old, naked man who is inactive until he sees Pietari. The group, containing those 2, Pilparinen and Riley, tie up the man, tell the Americans that they found Santa Claus, dress him up, and sell him to The Americans for $85,000.

When Greene (head of the Americans) and the group come over to make the exchange, Greene realizes that this isn’t Santa. It’s one of his many elves, who have now started to congregate on the mountainside and attack the group. Greene meets his end via pick-axe to the head and the rest of the American workers are killed off-screen. The 4 townies go into the shed where they discover the real truth: The real Santa is the Norweigan version of the tale (Not the one who gives toys to the good kids, but the giant one with horns who punished and kills the naughty children) and is entombed in ice. His elves have stolen all of the heating items in the town to thaw him and have captured all of the kids and put them in sacks as an offering to Santa once the  ice melts.

Pietari comes up with the plan: Him and Pilparinen airlift the kids (including Juuso) via helicopter away from the area, which lures all the elves to follow the copter. The diversion also gives Rauno and Amino enough time to blow up the ice with explosives, sending Santa to Kingdom Come. With no Santa to save, the elves break down and turn into mindless drones – drones that the townies convert to Store Mall Santas. With none of the other countries knowing any better, the townies sell the new Mall Santas for $85,000 each, for a total of 16 million. So the townies are rich and the elves are disposed of, sending them out over the world  – hence the Rare Exports mentioned in the title.